As you all know, I have a thing with big dicks. If you are a newcomer, now you know. “The bigger the better” I used to say. I have tried to break free of it, but it was all in vain.
“My name is A. and I have a problem” I would introduce myself at the Size-Queens Anonymous meetings. People there would ask me “How long have you been clean now, A. ?” and I would answer the exact amount of days and feel proud.
...
I'm exaggerating.
It has never been that bad, and I never tried to get rid of it. I saw and see no harm in it. Besides, I confess I liked how it had some power over me.
How it would motivate me to start dating a guy, or to try harder under the sheets.
It was fun. For better or worse, something happened this week that made me lose my interest in size.
Last weekend, I was sitting at a bar with a friend of mine. On a certain moment, a small guy approached us. He started talking to my friend and I recognized him as the guy my friend had had a crush on. They had been to bed once, a long time ago, ending in my friend having a crush and his crush rejecting him.
Not everything was bad about their date, though. My friend got to tease me and make me very jealous for some days, talking about how immense this man's pierced dick was.
I baptized him Cockzilla.
After their short affair, I never gave the guy a second thought. He was my friend's ex-crush, and that made him an untouchable. There are plenty of hung men in the world, why would I mess around with the one my friend would resent me for?.
Therefore, when last weekend Cockzilla asked me for my phone number I gave him the MPE (Multipurpose Phone Excuse):
“Oh, I'm sorry Cockzilla but I'm in the middle of a provider change. My phone number will change too, so it would make no sense to give it to you now. Why don't you give me yours, and I'll text you as soon as I have the new one.”
(If anyone has a better Phone Excuse, please send it to me. We will make the best ones into the official “Sex Won't Bite Phone Excuses” )
He nodded as an answer and gave me his number. He didn't get the message. No clue.
The world would seriously be a better place if people started catching other people's vibes. I'm talking about the “Why don't you look at me”, the “Why did you never call me”, the “You seem tense” and the “Just coffee, please”.
Although I never called him, the guy found a way to contact me. “ Oh, this guy whose best friend's heart I broke never called me.” He thought “ I guess that means... nothing. I'll just go and find him on the internet.”
He found my profile on a dating site, and sent me a message. Somehow we then got entangled in a quite annoying conversation. This guy wasn't the brightest, really, and that set the tone of our chat.
Although sarcasm may be my body's natural reaction to other peoples stupidity, there's some people that you can't even be sarcastic to.
They just won't get it. He was one of those people. If you are a Sex Won't Biter I'm sure you know what I mean. I'm sure you found yourself in that situation. Anyway, I'll just go back to my story.
After rejecting three or four proposals of meeting he kind of got the message:
“Hey, my intuition is telling me you are not interested in me. Is that right?”
I wanted to cry. His “intuition”?. Seriously?.
I told him he was right. It looked as if this would have been the end of the story, would he not have been inspired by the gods:
“Oh well, it doesn't matter. You couldn't handle my dick anyway.” he answered.
Of course he knew that was his best asset, and in a stroke of genius he had kept it until the end. Although I was completely aware of what effect he was expecting his words to have, and I normally hate giving in to manipulation, this was a special case.
We all have a weak point, and he found mine by pure luck. He played on my lust, and I gave in.
“What makes you so certain I can't handle you” I sent back.
Just like that, we got involved in a lecherous conversation about that matter. In the meanwhile, I shared everything with my friend-who-had-had-a-crush-on-him.
“I feel like he's challenging me. I'd like to meet him just to make him climb down.” I said “ And I would if he wasn't your ex-crush!”.
“Oh but I don't mind” my friend answered.
"Are you sure?" I said
"Yes! I'm totally over him"
After I receives his blessing, it took me less than five minutes to arrange a meeting.
He wanted to come watch a movie. Sure.
Some people just feel uncomfortable saying they're meeting to have sex. It may be their true intention, but they have to cover it up somehow. I think their excuses are meant more for themselves, not for me.
It's, in a way a logical behavior.
Most people who think casual sex is “bad” do so because an outside source told them to believe that. It may have been their family, religion, teachers, tv programs... Since that idea doesn't come from their own inner convictions, it's not consistent.
Since it's not consistent, the moment their natural desires pop up they find themselves lost. In order to give in to what they want, they need to make up some sort of excuse that will justify their action.
Hence the movie. We weren't meeting for sex, we were going to watch a movie and it just happened.
Lesbians have their own version of watching a movie.
“Hey, shall I come over tonight to fix your bike? I'm really good at it.”
“Well thank you, I'll make sure I have enough chilled beer in house.”
This is the farthest I've ever dared to look into lesbian-dating-behaviour so I'm afraid I can't tell you about what follows up. I do not know.
What comes next in my story, I do know.
He came to my house, and we watched the movie. I was actually glad that we had something to do, that way we didn't have to talk. Have I mentioned he was not so smart ?. I was just putting up with it because of everything I had heard about his talents.
After the movie he came up with an ice breaker worth of his wit.
He offered to give me a massage.
I couldn't hold myself and laughed at it. It was too cliché. I felt guilty for being so insensitive, but that feeling faded fast when I realized he had no idea why I laughed.
Once I had regained control of myself, I said that I'd love a massage and we went to my bedroom.
During the massage, we talked. When mothers (?) came up as a subject, he started telling me a story.
“You know, I was shopping with my mother and I though I had to buy condoms. I went with her to the pharmacy and I asked the pharmacist if she had XXL condoms.” He said.
“Seriously? With your mother there?” I asked, my friend's stories about Cockzilla counteracting my natural distrustfulness.
“Yes. Then the pharmacist came and she was like: Oh, I only have XL, and then I said: Alright, but are they also extra big in the width or only in the length?”
The story continued like this for a while. Of course it was all meant to impress me.
This small, quite chubby guy had to exploit his biggest asset.
“He has a lot to prove now” I thought.
Then we had sex. No, it wasn't that big. Yes, a normal condom fit easily.
Not that his dick was small, or that the sex was specially bad, both were just very mediocre. It was mediocre sex with a normal sized dick for the “big” category.
All those expectations that had been created were disappointed.
I took a shower right after he left. When I was standing under the warmth water I realized.
A big dick is just fun when it's your boyfriend's.
It's like a beauty mark, something intimate which knowledge you both share. Otherwise it doesn't mean that much.
That's at least, how I feel about it.
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